It always starts the same.
I look at a blank screen for 5,10,15 minutes…
I don’t know what I am going to write about…
I don’t even have a clue.
And yes, mostly I am afraid.
“What if I can’t write anything at all?”, “What if it looks like shit?”…
All these non-sense visits me every single day.
When I see them coming, I welcome it because they are my prize possessions.
They are the ultimate indicators that I am about to win a fight. I would never feel high if I did not beat them.
What will I produce?
I don’t know and that is the beautiful part.
When the work is done, a long ass article stares at me.
“Holy… Did I really write this?”
It is hard to believe because I transcend when I write.
As human beings, we tend to know everything.
When we are at the 1st step, we search the answers of the 25th step.
It is impossible.
You simply cannot see until you reach that point.
When you are blind, you can’t know the color red. If you have never been in a war, you never know how it feels.
And it harms us. We sabotage ourselves with that attitude.
We simply skip what we need to do at that moment of time and focus on the things that are none of our business.
We sabotage the moment and we lose our focus. Too bad, a warrior needs a laser sharp focus. You cannot lollygag around like a nancy boy.
You don’t need to know everything to start.
“I don’t know what to do, I feel lost”
This was one of my biggest concerns years ago. It bothered me so much, I tried everything. I walked in the dark to find my light times without number.
What I have found is…
Just go into full-heartedly, stick your heart and soul…
To THAT thing.
What do you mean Vince? What is that thing? I don’t know but you know it…
Don’t lie to me son of a bitch. I know you are escaping from it like a mad man… You resist your calling. It is your “call to action”.
We all love heroes and stories because they relate to us. We see ourselves in those characters.
The hero lives an ordinary life. Then, something unordinary happens.
The hero resists first, he denies the call, but eventually, he accepts it.
That is why they make a movie about it.
Do you know why you have never seen other heroes? They don’t exist because they took the easy path. How often do those demons visit you as they visited me every single day?
Are you looking for answers to be 100% sure of everything?
If there are a lot of walls, then it is the right path. Otherwise, they will give you a free pass, do not worry.
It is the thing that you are so close to… Yes, it is very close to you.
You might be too blind to see it. Maybe you don’t even consider it as a THING.
Because you have been brainwashed to become a professional. Yeah, what have you seen on television?
How do they work?
In a plaza or office while wearing some fucking bullshit suits.
They take everything too easy, they don’t even work…
All they do is gossiping and doing something behind other people’s backs. Your job has to be like that right?
That is not a real world, boy. This is not what your true essence, your calling tells you to do.
Maybe it is, who knows? You know yours better than me. All I can tell you is mine.
I never considered writing as my thing. But writing has always taken its part in my journey. It all happened when I connected the dots backward.
I had no idea until I started lifting a pair of dumbbells when I was 20 years old. I tried it out and discovered the beauty in it, now I know.
What if I never tried it out and try to learn by reading online material? I would have been a possible youtube troll writing negative comments.
Of course, I had questions, but I figured them out in my journey. What kind of programs, exercises, correct forms, nutrition, etc…
I could let those questions paralyze me for 100 years if I never started. Could I learn 1% of what I know right now? Nope, not a chance.
Once, I have seen one of my friends at the college campus.
He told me that he wanted to start working out. I said “Great, when do you start?”
He answered “I don’t know. I am looking for a proper program, what do you recommend? It’s been one month and I did not like any of them”
“One month? Are you crazy? Close your eyes and pick one and start immediately.” I said.
“But… I am looking for the perfect one, you know?” he responded.
I said to him, “The worst program implemented today is better than the perfect program that you never implemented”.
He said, “Well said”.
He did not know. You cannot reach perfection without starting.
It is so obvious but people love skipping it.
You start first
Perfection is an illusion. You become perfect with millions of mistakes.
You fall down, scrape your knees, get back up. But when you only do the research and look for the answers online, what do you get?
It seems so innocent, “information”. Let me write it as “DEAD information”.
Information is always dead until you process it in your mind and implement it in the necessary areas of your life. Then you gain the experience. You connect the dots.
An internet guru who claims to know it all can never give you the answers. You find the answers.
They can never give you the perfect program in a cheat sheet. Why? Because they don’t know you.
Thank god, we can’t know it all. I don’t want to know it all. I just want to know enough, nothing more than that.
Imagine that a witch comes out of nowhere and tells exactly what you will live in 10 years. How would it feel?
It is like someone tells you what is going to happen before you watch a movie. You want to kill that person. It feels terrible.
You lose all the beautiful spontaneity.
But, we chase it? Rather than doing our job, we are busy to know it all? Isn’t that greed?
Just do your job and appreciate whatever is unfold to you. Maybe, just maybe you reach the level of wisdom. If it is none of your business, let it go.
Otherwise, you fall into carelessness.
You can’t see what is in front of you. You become a living dead like a shark stops going forward.
It will chase you until you open your eyes and start moving again.
“Good morning, good night, Hello again!”
It won’t stop visiting you.
Seconds turn to minutes, and the minutes turn to hours, and the hours turn to days, and the world goes round…
Years later, you wonder how it passed so quick as a blink of an eye. I assure you, you will never want to see yourself at the same spot.
Start and do not look back. You only look back to check how far you’ve come so far.
Will you go through the mill? Will you do mistakes? Will you let other people upset you?
Yes, but you will live well. Everything will belong to you.
You know I had some concerns before I started journaling. It seemed like I am wasting my time by writing my thoughts.
Now, I can’t live without it.
It feels so relieving to see my thoughts on paper. I feel grounded and I know my direction in my life. The journal is the only place where I can live with 100% transparency.
Actually, it is a place that only accepts 100% transparency.
Once, I asked a wise person, “What will I write in my journal?” He answered as “It does not matter as long as you are honest”.
Totally safe and innocuous friend of mine… What is the ultimate thing a true friend might ask from you?
And here is the fun part. My future self is reading my old self and see how much I changed… Is there a better feeling than that?
Progress is the source of happiness.
Now, it does matter what your logistics are, what your job is… It does not matter how much money or time you have… You can always be better and make it happen.
Things make sense when you look backward but we must live toward the future. So, go all in, 100% in every endeavor in life…
If you are not going to give your 100%, don’t bother at all.
“But, but, but Vince… Why would I give my 100% all the time? Can’t I live otherwise?”
Yes, you can. But I wonder why, man. I am really fucking wondering why you don’t go all in.
When I first started training for martial arts, I thought I don’t need to take it too seriously because I did not want to become a pro fighter.
One day, I told my opinion to my friend and he immediately warned me about it. He said, “You should always give your best even if you don’t want to turn into a pro, this is how you learn more”.
After, I realized that is valid for everything in life. I don’t care if you are washing dishes, cutting hair, cleaning toilets…
If you want to fulfill your destiny, you must do that THING wholeheartedly with love. This is how you let life opens new doors to you.
Do not run away from the obstacles life throws at you, they are there to serve your growth. Otherwise, you just become one of the billions of ghosts wandering around.
Your work is the reflection of your soul. If you respect your work, that means you respect your character.
People seize that in your behavior and they respect you. When you do the work, no one questions you. They already got the answers.
You don’t need to speak either, your work does the talk.
The real game starts after you start
They say “You only learn how to start when you start”.
Partially true statement…
You learn by doing.
I believe it is your curiosity that makes you pull the trigger. Maybe you have already started but you don’t know it, yet.
You don’t make the difference by starting, you make it by following through. It is your steadiness and discipline that will take you to where you want to be.
You will fall, you will get anxious, you will feel the pain… But as long as you are determined to reach there, these are just small details.
If you don’t tap, you are always in the game. Play the game because it is fun. Giving up? It is too boring.
When you stop playing you’ll see the life get offended like our friends did when we rejected playing with them. You don’t want to see that happen.
Let me show you a real life story.
” I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I’m a 46 year old banker and I have been living my whole life the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for everything, which eventually changed who I was.
Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I realized I missed my father’s funeral FOR NOTHING. I didn’t complete my novel, traveling the world, helping the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when i was in my late teens and early twenties. If my younger self had met me today, I would have punched myself in the face. I’ll get to how those dreams were crushed soon.
Let’s start with a description of me when I was 20. It seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to change the world. People loved me, and I loved people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk-taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The first, was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second, was travelling the world and helping the poor and homeless. I had been dating my wife for four years by then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel loved. I knew my book was going to change the world. I would show the perspective of the ‘bad’ and the ‘twisted’, showing my viewers that everybody thinks differently, that people never think what the do is wrong. I was 70 pages through when i was 20. I am still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacking around New Zealand and the Phillipines. I planned to do all of Asia, then Europe, then America (I live in Australia by the way). To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the Phillipines.
Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life in a 9-7 job. What was I thinking? How could I live, when the job was my life? After coming home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day. God, I can’t remember the last time I’ve made love to my wife.
Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time, but i can’t comprehend it. It doesn’t even hurt. She says it’s because I’ve changed. I’m not the person I was. What have I been doing in the last 10 years? Outside of work, I really can’t say anything. Not being a proper husband. Not being ME. Who am I? What happened to me? I didn’t even ask for a divorce, or yell at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear as I write this. But not because my wife has been cheating on me, but because I am now realising I have been dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk-taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to change the world? I remember being asked on a date by the most popular girl in the school, but declining her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the girls in high school. In university/college too. But i stayed loyal. I didn’t explore. I studied everyday.
Remember all that backpacking and book-writing I told you about? That was all in the first few years of college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had earned. Now, I save every penny. I don’t remember a time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for myself. What do I even want now?
My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my promotion. I haven’t seen him in 15 years. When he died, I told myself it didn’t matter what I didn’t see him. Being an atheist, I rationalized that being dead, it wouldn’t matter anyway. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Rationalizing everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses. Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I rationalized that financial security was the most important thing. I now know, that it definitely is not. I regret doing nothing with my energy, when I had it. My passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money-making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.
If you’re reading this, and you have a whole life ahead of you, please. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t leave your dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions. Don’t stay on the internet with all your spare time (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something with your life while your young. DO NOT settle down at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family. Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like I did mine. Do not be like me.
Sorry for the long post, just had to get it out there.”
It is not easy to confess these.
This guy admitted his mistakes and he can change even in 46 years of age. Most people share a similar story but none of them have guts to admit the truth.
This is what is going to happen if you don’t start.
Fear is a great motivator if you use it wisely. You can fear to end up with an empty life that does not even belong to you.
Open your eyes when you still can…