I heard the word “ego” all the time but did not pay much attention.
No one pays attention.
When I started paying attention, that was the first thing I realized.
No one cares what you do, no one hears what you say, no one believes in you.
It is so awkward that I lived my 20+ of my life with the delusion of people actually care me.
Man, they are so busy with their lives. They have their own internal war.
There was a role that society wanted me to play. Everyone was so good at acting, I believed without a doubt.
I was studying at college and working part-time in a software company. It was one day something hit me “what the hell am I doing?”
This was not a job I really wanted. School? I hated every single lecture. I never wanted to work in a 9-5 job at a prisoner office.
When I looked at the future, I saw no light at all.
Who was I making happy?
Yeah, society did this. People did that, friends were blah blah.
What about me?
They can offer literally anything, but it was ME who took the offer. It was hard to swallow but it was the truth.
That day I decided to quit my job and freeze my education. I had to reconsider my whole life all over again.
When you are in a loop, you can’t see things objectively. You need an outside perspective. That is what I did.
I left the city, emptied my house and turned back to my home village. I have experienced that everything was a lie. All friendships, social pressure, the expectations from me…
All of them was a big fucking lie.
They seemed like a big deal but they weren’t even real.
When you were growing up, there is a process of ego loading. It starts with your own family, then your environment takes over the mission.
The mission of killing the uniqueness inside you. What, you never heard of it? I did not say “they accept it”, they just do it.
An only a very small percentage will resonate with what I am saying. Because they successfully killed the majority. They load big unnecessary burdens on your shoulders.
A highly successful plan for killing
- Go to school
- Find a job
- Get married
- Have children
Not even a single one cares about your passions and your dreams.
They make you live longer by making you addicted to drugs. So, you can consume more stuff and make them richer. They want relentless consumers who live longer in service of them.
I was enlightened after that 1 year of rest.
My enlightenment was “I was a scared pussy who can’t admit what he wants out of life”.
You have to dive into your darkness to find some light. You have to lose yourself to find yourself.
The acceptance was the first step of my salvation.
I could not talk to a girl who I like because I was afraid. I was afraid to admit the truth, I was scared to laugh, I was scared to express my emotions, I was scared of life…
The loop was keeping me “safe”.
I was getting my education and about to become a lifetime slave. Great! No one was going to judge me. Not anyone was going to be pissed off by my actions.
I was eager to act exactly as they wish. No one had to be offended by my words. I needed their acceptance and that is why I hid my true identity.
I was willing to become a ghost.
My ego was craving for comfort.
I started to get familiar with self-sabotage and the ego beast.
I said they were loading a big ego beast in you. That is the person they want to see you as.
You will be like this, act like that, talk like that… Anything outside of these limitations, no-no. You will make mommy upset.
If you never make mommy and daddy upset, you become a younger version of them. You live in their limited world.
David Deida said in his book “The Way of The Superior Man”, a man has to live as his father was dead. The ego of your parents possibly is living in you.
They limit your freedom and the man who you possibly become. You have to let the old ego die, for a new person to be born.
IT WAS TIME TO DECIDE
This was my life and without my permission, there was going to be NOTHING.
Every decision was my responsibility.
What did I do during that year?
- I learned martial arts (kickboxing, boxing)
- I started new projects (youtube, blog, websites)
- Read a lot
- Kept a journal
- Trained almost every day
- Went outside and talked to hot chicks
It was a recovery year for me. I was binding up my bounds and trying to find a new way out.
I stopped talking to all of my friends at college. Not even a single one called and asked me what the hell am I doing.
Lol, that surprised me. (Boohoo for me). Yeah, I was not there and they had to live their life. But, c’ mon not even a single one?
The Last Day Surprise
It was one day before I left the city. I was packing my stuff and emptying the house.
One of my friends visited to say goodbye. He admitted that he was jealous of what I have done. “I would love to do the same thing but I don’t have the courage,” he said.
I can see that it is a lie right now. Everyone has a choice. He was just not willing to take responsibility for his life. When he saw his friend is doing it, jealousy is triggered.
Jealousy is the best indicator of you are not on the right path.
The ego was the greatest enemy of success.
Ego labels you.
I am like this, I am like that…
Me? I am not that kind of person at all. What the fuck is that “I” anyway?
People try to label others because nobody likes the unknown. Everybody likes safe and guaranteed. From the first moment they meet you, they must put you in a box.
Do you make jokes all the time? You get labeled as the clown. Are you too serious? You get labeled as boring. Do you go to the gym very often? Then you are a gym rat. Do you study too hard? You are a nerd.
If you believe in those “labels”, you find yourself LOST.
You become the person they want you to be. You play the role they want in this life.
No one wants your uniqueness.
If you don’t face any walls, you are on the wrong path.
You can be judged by all those around you, but at the end of the day, none of it matters.
Only your idea of who you are what actually matters. On an intellectual level, you can read and learn many things. But until you face your ego directly, you cannot be free.
You need to live it. You have to be bold enough to make a change in your life.
What you fear determines your value.
What we are scared of makes us a valuable one or worthless piece of shit.
Are you scared of talking to women? You are a piece of shit.
Is your life about finding a job and marry a random woman? You will be a slave forever.
I was scared of not taking enough risks. Being like anyone else scared the shit out of me.
Your ego is not your friend. It is just a monster who wants you to live a “normal” life.
A boring, weak, colorless, monotonous life…
But no one can dictate us who we become… Like Rocky Balboa always chose to get up and fight back against Apollo Creed. Do you remember how much it pissed of Apollo?
If I was sent here on earth, I had to become someone. There was no any other way. Whether I make it my way or I die…
THE ENEMY IS INSIDE
It was my enlightenment man. There was a motherfucker inside of me.
I guess he will live until the day I die.
That means I am in a constant war every single day. Great, I was looking for some war and I found my entertainment.
A brutal enemy I face every single damn day.
At 5.00 am, he wants to put me into a deep sleep. At night, he wants me to miss my night sleep. When I try to run, he gives me illusions of pain.
When I try to write an article, I feel a big resistance. Whenever you are about to make a great change, the resistance shows up in different forms.
Laziness, illusions, fear, excuses…
Why the fuck are you writing this article man? No one is going to read it anyway.
Why do you run 10 miles in the morning? You tire your body for no reason. Just sleep and get some rest. Lies lies lies…
You need a sharp mind
A mind that separates bullshit lies from the truth…
The best indicator of a lie? A lie is more comfortable and it keeps you safe. Lies feed your ego and your ego keeps you exactly as who you are.
It is the voice of your mommy telling you “you are perfect” no matter what.
You know you sit with your male friends in a cafe or bar.
You open up the conversations as “Hey folks, it is too boring that we are 4 males chatting up all the time. We should talk to some hot chicks.”
Everyone confirms “Yeah man! That’s definitely what we should do.”
Then you offer a challenge “Okay, we split up and talk to hot chicks right now”
“No man, I am not that kind of person”, “Okay, okay we will do it but not right now”, “Yeah man, let’s drink some beer and maybe we will do it later”
That is their EGO talking.
I am not that kind of person? Great, you labeled yourself as a loser who can not talk to hot chicks.
Not right now, but later? That is the biggest lie ever. What guarantees that you will do later?
They say the treasure is always hidden behind your fears. I am a big believer in that. You either conquer your fears or become a slave of them.
EASY COME EASY GO
If I would get things easily, I would never appreciate them.
Do not accept anything you do not deserve. If you get it easily, you will lose it easily…
Think about it.
Let’s say you give Arnold Schawarzenneger’s body to a douche bag. That douche bag has zero experience in exercising. What will happen later? He will start losing all of those muscles…
What if he decides to lift?
He will injure that precious body with a shitty form immediately under a heavy bar. He does not know how to warm up, stretch or use correct form in those exercises.
Why did Mike Tyson lose his millions? He was a great boxer, but he was not a businessman. So, he could not manage the money.
What happens when poor people win the lottery? In 1 to 2 years, they lose more than what they earned. They did not earn that money through work.
There are no shortcuts in success.
Get used to feeling the pain in the road of constant daily war. Let the bitterness of life touches you. Let your skin become thicker.
It is not about talking hot women, lifting heavy weights, running long miles, fighting for hours, writing great articles, playing great music…
It is about training for life and discovering who you really are.
The time is elusive and relative.
Ask any old people and they will all tell you the same thing: “It was like a blink of an eye 80 years passed”.
It feels like a dream. When you are in it, it feels so long. After it finished, you learn it was just 1 minute.
Whatever is your dream, just do not delay it.
Just observe old people, they never regret what they have done. It is all about what they could not become. They always feel sorry because they could not show some courage to make their own decisions.
Never put others in a place where they decide for your life.
Everyone is so eager to give life advice like they figured everything out. They know it all, you know?
Who the fuck are you? They lived like a fucking slave for 30+ years.
Just because you did not make the mistakes they have done, they treat you as a low-level person.
You are a wide clean paper and full of youthful energy. They are jealous of this. Look at their life and do not eat the bait.
Do you think people will tell you “I am killing you”? They have no idea what life is about. All they do is feeding their ego by telling you what to do.
Anyone around you, any people from different years of age may try to pull you down to their shithole. That is why you should always be awake.
Do not take advice from sheep which is 99% of the world. If you have a great opinion, plan, or goal; keep it to yourself. Do not share them with people who have no vision.
Just be great and make those people wonder how you became great.
They will ask for your help later.
This is the way.
Do not let their ego or your own ego kill you.